Thirteen years ago Izabela accidentally got into the sex industry space by moving to the Netherlands… and needing a job. She saw an ad for taking photos of women in front of the camera and the rest is history.

Well… kind of.

Izabela admitted she was super apprehensive taking the gig because it was PORN! What would her parents think? What would her religion think?

But, she needed the job. In the end, she was lucky with the company, “It was super professional and they were keeping in mind the wellbeing of the performers. And also the wellbeing of everyone else involved.”

And it was focused on women’s real bodies (no judgment on those of you who choose any modifications — slay!).

“I also really undervalued myself”, she confessed, “and you know in mainstream porn films you would see these women who are like long blonde hair, perfect figure. And I was far from that…” The performers were real. They embraced themselves and were proud of their bodies. Izabela felt empowered.

Working in the Porn Industry

Were there intimacy coaches? “Not really. But kind of.”

“We were doing this, but not calling it an intimacy coach”. Having conversations with the performers before, during, and after the shoots. Figuring out their comfort levels. For example, if they were doing a masturbation scene, they’d ask the performers how they like to do it. Because if it’s not real to the person onscreen, how the hell would it look real to the person watching? Cue fake-y orgasms (gross). Izabela shared questions like “How much space do you need?”, “What are the usual ways you masturbate?”, “What do you want to do afterward?”.

It was their responsibility to connect with the performers. And “If something was wrong, do not force them”. This company even had a policy that onscreen persons could change their minds before and during the shoot. Even up to 5 days after the shoot the performer could return their pay and the footage would never be used.

Transforming the Porn Industry

“We need to utilize intimacy coordinators from the beginning”

The resources it takes to create a shoot, like money and people, depend on the performers being comfortable through the whole process. And if they change their minds, this will cost revenue.

A production company will save a fair amount of rework by doing the right thing — having an intimacy coordinator on staff. Someone who can be the liaison between performers and directors. Can advocate for script changes. Monitor media perceptions and provide insight into the production. Questions like…

“How are you going to feel about having this on the internet?”

“Or in DVDs all over the world, for your entire life?”

“How will your family feel about this?”

The focus is shifting toward quality scenes. Are there physical and mental spaces where the performers (and production team) can process their vulnerability? “Conversations about boundaries, consent, power dynamics”.

Adding intimacy coordinators to the production team, audiences will know the porn scene they’re watching is created with care — it’s an art form. It’s not a stigmatized dirty movie.

The Deets on Ethical Porn

Kick aside your guilt and shame. Find inspiration in erotic film, not education.

With ethically made scenes. For example, Sssh.com — this brand is aware of how they produce their content, focused on ethical standards.

Because ethically made porn is ALL about treating the performers and the production team with respect. The performers are paid (an appropriate wage). The film is made with consent and the company allows conversations around boundaries — asking the performers to decide what they will and won’t do during a scene.

What would make it even better? “A little sign that says it was produced with an intimacy coach”.

And don’t be fooled by professional or “clean” aesthetics. Or even porn made by feminists or queer spaces. “I’ve come across feminist websites which had content that was unethically produced”, advised Izabela.

This doesn’t mean you should skip mainstream porn altogether! Mainstream doesn’t mean it’s bad or unethical. Pleasure is pleasure and as long as everyone involved was treated with dignity during production, treat yourself to the pleasure it brings you — AMEN!

Watching Ethical Porn (with your partner)

Skip your usual Netflix & Chill night or mindlessly scrolling your phones next to each other — ahhh another Friday date night (wink wink). Try something a little more erotic.

Gone are the days when we watch porn in secret or (gasp) not at all! The content is more diverse — you can actually see YOU in the performers. And there are companies that focus on female-produced porn for female audiences.

A study in 2020, claimed “pornography can satisfy sexual situations that they (women) have not yet explored, or do not necessarily wish to explore in their real lives”. IE a gangbang. The fantasy of being used by multiple men, worshipped by more than one man at a time, or feeling pleasure in ALL your sensitive spots explored AT THE SAME TIME, can be a thrilling concept. But maybe something you don’t want to make a reality. This is where porn can guide you in discovering your own sexuality.

And you can lean into your curiosities. You might love watching queer porn (lesbian, gay, transgender, etc.), even if you’re a straight woman. Does this mean you want to start hooking up with other ladies OR watch your man hook up with other dudes? Nope! Curiosity and pleasure can take you to places you never gave yourself permission to explore. BTW if you do wanna start hooking up with chics OR watch your guy have sex with other guys — that’s okay too! This is a judgment-free space.

Where do you start?

By exploring porn by yourself. Finding ethical sites takes a bit of research and they’re generally not free — Pornhub shouldn’t be your go-to.

Sites like…

Shhh.com

Afterglow

Make Love Not Porn — BTW this one isn’t technically porn — it’s real world sex.

Hardwerk

Bellesa

Lust Cinema

Beautiful Agony

Once you find a site you like (and fits your budget) — let your desires and fantasies go wild! Nobody but YOU will know what piques your curiosity. Nobody but YOU will know what turned you on in the porn world.

You don’t have to share this with anyone… unless you want to…

Share Porn Preferences with your Partner(s)

YAY — This is an awesome way to increase intimacy and sexiness in your relationship! And maybe they’ll be eager to share their porn preferences with you… and THEN you can watch them together!

Don’t worry if you don’t have the same tastes as your partner. Or if they’re into something that kind of turns you off. It’s ALL about creating a safe space for BOTH of you to share and discuss. You might be wondering “What if I don’t look like the women in the porn he’s into?” or “What if I love lesbian porn… will he think I wanna leave him?”.

First off, your partner is with you for a reason — because you’re fucking awesome! Their porn picks might not have anything to do with looks. They could be into the positions being used, the dynamics of the performers, the way they talk to each other, the toys, etc. This is why it’s super important to have an open mind. Don’t assume anything about your sex life based on their choice of erotic scenes.

“Porn can start a conversation about consent, communication, boundaries”

Watch Porn & Play

After you’ve taken the time to share all your porn desires, choose one to watch together. Set the mood by prepping your space. Pick up any clutter and dim the lights. You can create a sultry ambiance with candles and soft blankets. Strip down naked or wear your favorite lingerie. Snuggle on the couch or your bed.

Now it’s the fun part… turn on the porn scene! You can use it as a sexytime foreplay by just watching it with your partner — letting the experience heighten your arousal and taking mental notes on everything you wanna try. OR have it playing in the background while you and your partner DO IT!

You can copy any positions you see, use the same dirty talk, or moan when the performers moan. Become each other’s ultimate pornstar fantasy.

(Need a little help with this part? Sign up for Arya — a subscription box made for couples to explore intimacy and eroticism)

Your Permission to Enjoy a Gangbang Scene

Can you make an ethically made gangbang? “You can!”

“I know female performers who love being part of gangbang scenes. They don’t find it humiliating, but rather the opposite. They love giving blowjobs to everyone. Or when they (guys) cum on their face.”

Izabela chatted about an uhhh-mazing gangbang scene production company — Hardwerk. For Paula (the founder), it’s important that “everyone is comfortable with each other, very loving. Like a loving atmosphere on the set.”

And when Izabela saw a Hardwek film at the cinema premiere (yes, those are a thing!). She LOVED IT! “That’s an actual gangbang shoot that made me feel good”. It was a beautiful interaction between all performers — not just focused on the woman and “fuck her as much as you can”.

BTW if that’s your thing — that’s okay! What turns you on is super personal and if watching a woman receive pleasure by getting every.part.of.her.body. fucked, watch it! Because there are ethical options out there for you.

Behind the scenes

“When I left the bubble of the company I had worked for, I very quickly realized it’s not the same on every other set.” There wasn’t enough education on what intimacy was in the world of real sex scenes. And honestly, it was really sad for her. Not everyone knew how to do those steps and not everyone understood the ethical approach — because there’s not enough information.

“It’s about creating a safe and professional environment on the set.”

Izabela not only saw the need, she felt there was a lot we can learn from porn. In the lessons she had learned from the industry and connected them with research. Bring education to everyone, “not only people who produce porn, produce intimate scenes, but for the general population.”

The main idea behind Red Cheeks Academy?

“Taking lessons from the adult industry, connecting it with research, and unlocking the intimacy of every single human being out there. Because at the end of the day, we are all intimate in some way.”

PS You can check out the Red Cheeks Acadmy here

The bottom line

There you have it! A little peek into ethical porn, thanks to the fabulously forward-thinking brain of Izabela Bartyzel.

So, next time you’re lounging around and trying to think of an adventurous new date night sextivity — remember there’s a tantalizing world of ethical, empowering porn out there for you to experience! Take it from Izabela, there’s no shame in exploring what tickles your fetish fantasy or chatting about it with your partner. Because at the end of the day, everyone deserves erotic delights in their life!